I have recently been given the unpleasant news that I have cancer of the esophagus. This was not a complete surprise. Two years ago for reasons that are irrelevant here my esophagus was checked and found to be precancerous. The most recent results were the result of a call-back because of that finding. The consequences are that I am facing a quite serious operation and, assuming all goes well, what will no doubt be a lengthy period of recovery. Still, that is not the important point. At least not for anybody but me. What I see as more important and what others may find interesting is my own response. I say this, not out of egotism, but because each of us may face something equally important some day. The possibility of such an event is, after all, a part of the human condition. Perhaps my experience may be of some help when and if that happens.

What has struck me as strange is that the news did not overwhelm me. I did not like it but there was no panic. While living with the prospect, I have continued to sleep well and eat as usual. I have gone on with my normal routine. I do not think I am in denial or suppressing my true emotions. In fact, I am quite aware of the fact much of the time. Mostly I am reviewing all the little things that will need doing before the operation ñ like arranging for the care of my cat and fish ñ and thinking of the problems of the recovery period. Some of my priorities have changed. For example, I have felt a new urgency to get on with pulling together the work with the Fire and Ice theme of which I have spoken to the FMBR. This, you may recall, is based on the thought that we are all what I call Fire spirits who have chosen to incarnate in order to experience selfhood and intention. On the other hand, I have been teaching computers at the Menlo Park Senior Center, Little House, and have been preparing to teach a course on a language new to me. That project is now deferred into the indefinite future. And so it goes.